Complete.
I CANNOT conceive any prospect more agreeable to a weary traveler than the approach to Bedfordshire. Each valley reminds him of Sleepy Hollow; the fleecy clouds seem like blankets; the lakes and ponds are clean sheets; the setting sun looks like a warming pan. He dreams of dreams to come. His traveling cap transforms to a nightcap; the coach lining feels softlier squabbed; the guards horn plays Lullaby. Every flower by the roadside is a poppy. Each jolt of the coach is but a drowsy stumble upstairs. The lady opposite is the chambermaid; the gentleman beside her is Boots. He slides into imaginary slippers; he winks and nods flirtingly at Sleep, so soon to be his own. Although the wheels may be rattling into vigilant Wakefield, it appears to him to be sleepy Ware, with its great bed, a whole county of down, spread all before him where to choose his place of rest.
It was in a similar mood, after a long, dusty, droughty dog-days journey, that I entered the Dolphin at Bedhampton. I nodded in at the door; winked at the lights; blinked at the company in the coffeeroom; yawned for a glass of negus; swallowed it with my eyes shut, as though it had been a pint of nappy; surrendered my boots; clutched a candlestick; and blundered, slipshod, up the stairs to number nine.
Blessed be the man, says Sancho Panza, who first invented sleep; and blessed be heaven that he did not take out a patent and keep his discovery to himself. My clothes dropped off me; I saw through a drowsy haze the likeness of a four-poster; Great Natures second course was spread before me; and I fell to without a long grace!
Heres a bodytheres a bed! | |
Theres a pillowheres a head! | |
Theres a curtainheres a light! | |
Theres a puffand so Good-Night! |
It would have been gross improvidence to waste more words on the occasion, for I was to be roused up again at four oclock the next morning to proceed by the early coach. I determined, therefore, to do as much sleep within the interval as I could; and in a minute, short measure, I was with that mandarin, Morpheus, in his Land of Nod.
How intensely we sleep when we are fatigued! Some as sound as tops, others as fast as churches. For my own part I must have slept as fast as a Cathedral,as fast as Young Rapid wished his father to slumber;nay, as fast as the French veteran who dreams over again the whole Russian campaign while dozing in his sentry box. I must have slept as fast as a fast post coach in my four-posteror rather I must have slept like winkin, for I seemed hardly to have closed my eyes when a voice cried, Sleep no more!
It was that of Boots, calling and knocking at the door, whilst through the keyhole a ray of candlelight darted into my chamber.
Whos there?
Its me, your honor, I humbly ax pardonbut somehow Ive oversleeped myself, and the coach be gone by!
The devil it is!then I have lost my place!
No, not exactly, your honor. She stops a bit at the Dragon, tother end of the town; and if your honor wouldnt object to a bit of a run
Thats enoughcome in. Put down the lightand take up that bagmy coat over your armand waistcoat with itand that cravat.
Boots acted according to orders. I jumped out of bedpocketed my nightcapscrewed on my stockingsplunged into my trousersrammed my feet into wrong right and left bootstumbled down the back stairsburst through a door, found myself in the fresh air of the stable yard holding a lantern, which, in sheer haste, or spleen, I pitched into the horsepond. Then began the race, during which I completed my toilet, running and firing a verbal volley at Boots, as often as I could spare breath for one.
And you call this waking me upfor the coach?My waistcoat!Why I could wake myselftoo latewithout being called. Now my cravatand be hanged to you!Confound that stone!and give me my coat. A nice road for a run.I suppose you keep iton purpose. How many gentlemenmay you do a week?Ill tell you what. If Iruna footfurther
I paused for wind, while Boots had stopped of his own accord. We had turned a corner into a small square; and on the opposite side certainly stood an inn with the sign of the Dragon, but without any sign of a coach at the door. Boots stood beside me, aghast, and surveying the house from the top to the bottom; not a wreath of smoke came from the chimney; the curtains were closed over every window, and the door was closed and shuttered. I could hardly contain my indignation when I looked at the infernal somnolent visage of the fellow, hardly yet broad awakehe kept rubbing his black-lead eyes with his hands, as if he would have rubbed them out.
Yes, you may well lookyou have overslept yourself with a vengeance. The coach must have passed an hour agoand they have all gone to bed again!
No, there be no coach, sure enough, soliloquized Boots, slowly raising his eyes from the road, where he had been searching for the track of recent wheels, and fixing them with a deprecating expression on my face. No, theres no coachI ax a thousand pardons, your honorbut you see, sir, what with waiting on her, and talking on her, and expecting on her, and giving notice on her, every night of my life, your honorwhy I sometimes dreams on herand thats the case as is now!