Complete. Number XI. of “Microcosmography.”

A SELF-CONCEITED man is one that knows himself so well, that he does not know himself. Two “excellent well-dones” have undone him, and he is guilty of it that first commended him to madness. He is now become his own book, which he pores on continually, yet like a truant reader skips over the harsh places, and surveys only that which is pleasant. In the speculation of his own good parts, his eyes, like a drunkard’s, see all double, and his fancy, like an old man’s spectacles, make a great letter in a small print. He imagines every place where he comes his theatre, and not a look stirring but his spectator; and conceives men’s thoughts to be very idle, that is [only] busy about him. His walk is still in the fashion of a march, and like his opinion unaccompanied, with his eyes most fixed upon his own person, or on others with reflection to himself. If he have done anything that has passed with applause, he is always re-acting it alone, and conceits the ecstasy his hearers were in at every period. His discourse is all positions and definitive decrees, with “thus it must be” and “thus it is,” and he will not humble his authority to prove it. His tenet is always singular and aloof from the vulgar as he can, from which you must not hope to wrest him. He has an excellent humor for an heretic, and in these days made the first Arminian. He prefers Ramus before Aristotle, and Paracelsus before Galen [and whosoever with most paradox is commended]. He much pities the world that has no more insight in his parts, when he is too well discovered even to this very thought. A flatterer is a dunce to him, for he can tell him nothing but what he knows before; and yet he loves him too, because he is like himself. Men are merciful to him, and let him alone, for if he be once driven from his humor, he is like two inward friends fallen out: his own bitter enemy and discontent presently makes a murder. In sum, he is a bladder blown up with wind, which the least flaw crushes to nothing.